Random Musings: Teenage Werewolves

Looks like The Twilight Saga: The Twilight Saga has encouraged something more than horrible writers (like yours truly) to peddle their wares. That’s right, teenage werewolves are now in style according to this local news report that, like most local news reports, fails to comprehend anything. Unfortunately, these obviously-mass-consumers-who-delude-themselves-into-thinking-they-are-different are just wearing their normal outfits but with cheap looking tails. …so much for creativity.

This is a call to arms for those more cleverly inclined high school students to offer an olive branch to these sadly-self-awareness-lacking emo-wannabes eternally crying that Bella ends up with Edward and Jacob fucks a baby by also becoming a teenage werewolf. Or, to use hip lingo, a teen wolf.

Clothing wise, unfortunately you no longer have Hot Topic to carefully pick out the perfect outfit to let the world know that you are an outcast who doesn’t follow trends. But you still have plenty of options, although you are constrained to Michael J. Fox’s wardrobe in the film.

The yellow basketball outfit might work for you. Personally, I think the windbreaker/flannel/turtleneck/jeans is passable anytime.

As a teen wolf, you get many benefits. You are able to dunk. You can dance and air guitar on the top of a moving van. You get to choreograph a dance that your classmates follow. You don’t have to brutally maim people, though that’s always an option.

You can get beer. And you can sniff out pot- a skill that’s far more impressive and important than putting on eyeliner.

And, finally, at the end of the big basketball game, some dude will show his dick on the stands.

So for all you high schoolers looking for a way to make inroads with the Twilight Emo Furry crowd, Michael J. Fox it up (or Jason Bateman, if you prefer), extend your paw, flash your red eyes, and howl with the best of them.


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