Archive for the ‘Ramblings’ Category

Random Musings: Teenage Werewolves

May 25, 2010

Looks like The Twilight Saga: The Twilight Saga has encouraged something more than horrible writers (like yours truly) to peddle their wares. That’s right, teenage werewolves are now in style according to this local news report that, like most local news reports, fails to comprehend anything. Unfortunately, these obviously-mass-consumers-who-delude-themselves-into-thinking-they-are-different are just wearing their normal outfits but with cheap looking tails. …so much for creativity.

This is a call to arms for those more cleverly inclined high school students to offer an olive branch to these sadly-self-awareness-lacking emo-wannabes eternally crying that Bella ends up with Edward and Jacob fucks a baby by also becoming a teenage werewolf. Or, to use hip lingo, a teen wolf.

Clothing wise, unfortunately you no longer have Hot Topic to carefully pick out the perfect outfit to let the world know that you are an outcast who doesn’t follow trends. But you still have plenty of options, although you are constrained to Michael J. Fox’s wardrobe in the film.

The yellow basketball outfit might work for you. Personally, I think the windbreaker/flannel/turtleneck/jeans is passable anytime.

As a teen wolf, you get many benefits. You are able to dunk. You can dance and air guitar on the top of a moving van. You get to choreograph a dance that your classmates follow. You don’t have to brutally maim people, though that’s always an option.

You can get beer. And you can sniff out pot- a skill that’s far more impressive and important than putting on eyeliner.

And, finally, at the end of the big basketball game, some dude will show his dick on the stands.

So for all you high schoolers looking for a way to make inroads with the Twilight Emo Furry crowd, Michael J. Fox it up (or Jason Bateman, if you prefer), extend your paw, flash your red eyes, and howl with the best of them.

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Posting

May 8, 2010

Although I haven’t posted in awhile, I might get back into this sometime this weekend. Just typing this to sort of remind myself/get back into the “grind.” Topics might include: Mission Impossible IV, the Cinco De Mayo American flag shirt controversy (siding with the shirt wearers but in a non-“This is America and if you hate it, get out!” way), and I don’t know.

And this is the end of my high school girl livejournal-esque post.  Stay tuned non-readers.

The Moral Courage To Speak Out Against Nazis

March 29, 2010

Today I saw a girl with an anti-swastika patch sewn onto their hat. It was the infamous twisted cross in one of those Ghostbusters red circles with red bar down the center. Far be it from me to be against young people1 2taking a stand on something that isn’t an ignorant “Yay Obama!” or the equally ill-informed “Boo Bush!!” (no matter how clever those BU(ll)SH(it) signs are)3 but anti-swastika?

You’re against the Nazis. Oooo. What a rebel you are. Willing to speak out against Hitler in 2010. What other paraphernalia do you have to show off your beliefs? An “Idi Amin doesn’t get my vote!” button? A “Say No To Rape” pennant? A “Child Murder Is Not My Bag” Bag? I know the wearer might say “this shows I’m against hate” but again…against hate? Really taking on those hot button issues aren’t you.

I don’t support the Nazis nor am I telling any of you to go out there and sing “Deutchland Uber Alles” but there’s nothing courageous, or even meaningful, about using a crossed out swastika as a statement. It’s an empty gesture.

Of course, if I were really ballsy I’d say “you know the real reason we’re in this recession/depression and you’re begging for change?” (not that it’s true) and let them mull that one over. But I’m a coward.

1One of those “maybe homeless, maybe moochers” type you see begging for change on the sidewalk with a cardboard sign but have that quality that they’re really more dirty than rail-riding hobos.

2Not that I’m probably much older than her. After all, this is the type of snarky cynicism that only comes with being an over-privileged 20-something.

3Not that I’m pro-Bush either. There’s plenty of reasons to be against the former president, I just think most people’s political beliefs are hollow, coming from them wanting to be either a part of, or against, a crowd.

Second Entry

March 16, 2010

According to my stats, there were three views of my introductory post. I don’t know if that means that I opened the page three times or if there were two readers other than myself. If it’s the latter, welcome. I hope you found it passable. I have to assume that you two must check every single blog that comes out. Although I find it slightly odd, it also makes sense in the same way that people will rent whatever straight to video/DVD crap comes out each week just for something to watch. Of course, hundreds of blogs are re-newed every day as opposed to five different movies a week. Then again each blog is less of a time commitment than a full length movie so… I’m sure there’s some sort of point I’m trying to make, I just don’t know what it is. Feel free to comment, I guess.

If it’s just me re-reading my page then… I’m not surprised. I haven’t advertised this thing at all (my little secret) and there’s nothing tag-worthy about my original post (or this oen, for that matter). All things considered, I actually kind of like the idea of a tiny corner of the internet where I’m just screaming to the wind. Besides, the original post was more a launching off point as I struggle to figure out what I want to do with this thing, or for posterity, or for news organizations to take out of context if anything happens.

Ah damn it, I’m personalizing this. I really didn’t want to make the blog all about me, my thoughts, my blatherings. I was hoping to make it more universal, general, relevant. Something more “objective” that people can enjoy, Digg, Fark, twitter. Instead it’s exactly what I didn’t want to be- a random person spewing their worthless thoughts about their worthless thoughts.

When I made the decision to blog, I did think I was going to get struck with some inspiration. Some pop culture or news thing I can use to be clever. But, instead, writer’s block. I could “go back” and talk about things that happened a couple months ago (like how the already forgotten “Cop Out” didn’t understand the concept of homage (it’s more than just throwing a black cop and white cop together)) but that seems like cheating. I could try to talk about how the Health Care debate is a clusterfuck and will remain a clusterfuck whether the Bill passes or fails, but if you’re looking for anything resembling insightful political commentary you wouldn’t be here.

Just keep writing, I guess, is what people say and what I’m doing now since this entry is just as senseless and useless as my introductory one. It’s really not that easy to figure out what to talk about. Without a topic or reason to write, this venture is actually kind of embarrassing. But I’m resolved not to use this as a 21st century diary where I take you through, in painful detail, what I do every day (brood on life’s failures) in the hope that that causes something to spark. After all, I know you care about my life about as little as I care about yours– (obligatory) no offense. However, if there’s some instance in my life that I feel I can turn into some narrative I will bore you with the details because this is essentially my “portfolio” (whether anything comes from that…probably not) and as such should be used to show some versatility.

So that’s pretty much it for my second post. I guess I’m just bumming around with these posts until I can figure out something interesting to write about. Essentially forcing myself to babble. But at least it’s to nobody in particular. Hopefully next time I’ll come up with some clever pop culture-y thing that people can rally behind. A list of best whatevers or a nostalgic look at some late ’80s/early ’90s thing. Maybe a comprehensive analysis of Dana Walsh’s comically shitty storyline in this season of “24” (how is Steven Root able to walk around the CTU War Room without even a visitor pass showing?). Or run out of steam a paragraph into discussing how Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” is really about the emptiness of club life and no matter how young, rich or pretty you are, you can only be in the game for a short time before you’re shoved aside and left in your own filth. Although I haven’t seen it yet, E!’s “Pretty Wild” comes across like it might be good “angry ranting” fodder, but also seems like kind of an obvious choice as a target. Almost too obvious a choice.

Introduction

March 12, 2010

Just another worthless blog. I’d consider that an accurate summation. Like every other failed and/or wannabe writer, especially those with a shit portfolio, I’ve had no choice but to take to the “blogosphere” in a pathetic and more-than-likely futile attempt to get my words read.

I’ve resisted creating a blog for years. The reason(s) being a combination of not being particularly good enough to rise above the hundreds of thousands of other people doing the same thing and finding something personally off-putting about a world with no “gatekeepers,” no editors, no one to tell you that you suck too much to be published. I so wanted to avoid the blogger’s delusion of talent.

So why do this now? Well I am not, nor have I ever been, a man of great principle. And when faced with borderline, perpetual unemployment, why not give something like this a shot? It’s a gamble that costs me nothing except my dignity. If I’m going to have to spend years struggling to get a dead end job to die at, I might as well try for something that sucks less. I’m not saying I’m a good writer; I’m just not really that good at anything else.

What is my purpose in doing this? Something between (and including) wasting time and getting a book deal. Not going to hold my breath for a movie based on a book on my blatherings.

What will I offer to you, the audience? Uninspired film/TV criticism. Uninsightful social

commentary. Embarrassing attempts at wit and humor (because snarkiness is in such short supply, especially online). Pop culture-y things (not meaning gossip, unless it’s something huge like how Tiger Woods’ affairs destroyed America). Probably not going to go the personal vignettes route. But if my life was anything but humdrum, I wouldn’t be blogging.

So I guess that’s it. My short introduction to the world of blogging. I don’t know what or when my next column will be but maybe I’ll stock this account with some out-of-date and obsolete comments on things that no longer matter.

I’d tell you to follow me on twitter but I don’t have a twitter account and doubt I ever will lest I somehow obtain some modicum of celebrity where random, anonymous people would be interested when I do something mundane. Yet I also spent years saying I’d never do a blog yet here I am now. So who knows, maybe by the time the NEXT BIG THING comes and goes, I’ll make my first attempt to boil my thoughts down to 140 characters.